A Poem...Short Story...or a mid afternoon reflection.
I waited to long for the Lord and my heart sunk. My fire went out. I went time and time again to the prayer alter of fire but the wick on my candle grew cold and it could not hold a flame for long.
How could this be? I prayed and fasted, I believed and declared, I disagreed with the lies of the enemy and turned a deaf ear to those who spoke but never once listened to the voice of God for their wisdom. I did it all. I believed beyond the due date of bills (believing that His response included a miracle, I mean He said He would supply my needs but I guess the tuition bill was not a need?...but then again that ment my degree was not a need either?)...but He sent me to school.
So I continued to believe and I waited for justice, since He is the God of justice....but it never came. A few say, it is coming...but for this situation, it is not. So what do you do? Keep waiting? When do you stop and say, He has not completely abandonded me but He has completely stopped responding to the situation?
I waited too long for God here, maybe I should have made a turn a few months ago..or maybe a few years.
I asked Him, I asked Him for understanding, clarity, HELP...I searched scriptures and daily spent hours in prayer when finally there was one devastation my heart could not recover from....and I became numb.
His scriptures stirred up angry like when a child is told repeatedly that a gift is coming and they grow-up old waiting for the unfulfilled promise. My lips could not utter prayers because disbelief in what would be said, out-weighed the belief that it was still true. Let me remind you, this place of numbness comes from years of believing and being disappointed, believing...and more disappointment; promises manifested & then being stripped away, family members tragically losing their lives and friends drastically losing their manifested promises. It did not happen over night but I hope healing does...and that it last a while.
Well, we can get up from the stoop of waiting...not that we were sitting still twittling our thumbs...we waited for the BIG, stepped out of the boat & walked on water like Peter (Matthew 14:29).....and kept walking and I guess its like Jesus bid you to come like Peter...but then moved the goal further out into the darkness of the sea and when you turned around, the boat was gone too.
Real reflections of a heart, wondering if it waited too long. Selah.
