Waited too long for God...

A Poem...Short Story...or a mid afternoon reflection.

 

I waited to long for the Lord and my heart sunk. My fire went out. I went time and time again to the prayer alter of fire but the wick on my candle grew cold and it could not hold a flame for long.

How could this be? I prayed and fasted, I believed and declared, I disagreed with the lies of the enemy and turned a deaf ear to those who spoke but never once listened to the voice of God for their wisdom. I did it all. I believed beyond the due date of bills (believing that His response included a miracle, I mean He said He would supply my needs but I guess the tuition bill was not a need?...but then again that ment my degree was not a need either?)...but He sent me to school.

So I continued to believe and I waited for justice, since He is the God of justice....but it never came. A few say, it is coming...but for this situation, it is not. So what do you do? Keep waiting? When do you stop and say, He has not completely abandonded me but He has completely stopped responding to the situation?

I waited too long for God here, maybe I should have made a turn a few months ago..or maybe a few years.

I asked Him, I asked Him for understanding, clarity, HELP...I searched scriptures and daily spent hours in prayer when finally there was one devastation my heart could not recover from....and I became numb.

His scriptures stirred up angry like when a child is told repeatedly that a gift is coming and they grow-up old waiting for the unfulfilled promise. My lips could not utter prayers because disbelief in what would be said, out-weighed the belief that it was still true. Let me remind you, this place of numbness comes from years of believing and being disappointed, believing...and more disappointment; promises manifested & then being stripped away, family members tragically losing their lives and friends drastically losing their manifested promises. It did not happen over night but I hope healing does...and that it last a while.

Well, we can get up from the stoop of waiting...not that we were sitting still twittling our thumbs...we waited for the BIG, stepped out of the boat & walked on water like Peter (Matthew 14:29).....and kept walking and I guess its like Jesus bid you to come like Peter...but then moved the goal further out into the darkness of the sea and when you turned around, the boat was gone too.

Real reflections of a heart, wondering if it waited too long. Selah.

Africa sees you...but do you see them?

There are moments in history where we have seen footage of children in Africa, portrayed as poor and in great need with very minimal resources. Often in those same images, we may see t-shirts with pictures of celebrated American musicians, actors and rappers.  For me personally, I often wondered how our shirts and cds have reached these regions of the earth but the resources that support ending of cyclic poverty and enable sustained livelihoods, often do not. These images portray children who "see" Americans, even study and give us their undivided attention, but I am not sure we give them the same courtesy. When I speak of "we", I am not just referring to Americans but one step in a more personal directions, I am speaking of African Americans.

I was standing in the lunch room as a graduate student at a university in Scotland. On the front page of the Scotsman newspaper was a picture of a baby crying and extremely thin in size displaying malnutrition. The article highlighted a crisis in Ethiopia in the summer of 2011 which was the result of drought. The child on the front of the newspaper was the same color as I, originiated from the same continent as I and had a valued life like mine. I decided at that moment that this child was not another casualty of war or extreme poverty, he or she was not another neglected starving African child that needed me to send a few dollars a month to help keep alive, this little baby was my cousin...a child of my lineage and family. I thought I could understand them looking into a face that did not have the same features, bone structure or color as theirs and be ignored but if they looked into my face, they would not understand me looking the other way. The interesting part is that quite often the face that does not look like theirs, does not look away and instead loves, holds, nurtures and makes them stronger. Too often my face is actually not even seen by those little eyes, they don't even know I looked away.

I decided at that moment to stand stronger in the African proverb, " It takes a village to raise a child", and physically carry that photo in my notebook so that my cousin would not be overlooked and I could more directly advocate for their life. This was a monumental moment where I decided that I would no longer look away and begin a strategic journey so that his or her little eyes would see our faces and that our eyes would see theirs. 

I believe that many African Americans do not see these images with understanding and do not know the depth of what is going on in the country of Africa that we celebrate as our origin. The truth is, some do know...and do not care...we cannot do much about them....but there are many more that do care and we who do will stand in agreement for justice, true change and revival. If we know the truth of what is happening, we...and the little ones...will be made free. John 8:32.

We see you little ones....here we come.

I Actually Got PHYSICALLY Healed by Forgiving Them

In 2002 I got in a car accident and have suffered back pains for 10 years.
I have begun to believe God to fully heal me over the last 3 years...but before then I just said temporary relief prayers and used various medical treatments. Many, many people have prayed for my complete healing...and I still wait..believe..but wait.

Two weeks ago, I began to pray things like..."Lord, I am sad praying to you with so much pain in my back, I know you want to heal me....so why aren't I healed yet", "This isn't cool God." The pain in my neck and upper back region was tense and I could not even bend my neck fully towards my ear without pain.

On Good Friday (Friday before Resurrection /Easter Sunday) I went to service and Pastor Lambert spoke on few profound topics but it was the part on Forgiveness that kept me looking deeply at the condition of my heart. I began to forgive the 1st person who came to mind but it was the 2nd that I began to negotiate with God regarding. You see, 3 months prior a man murdered my cousin. I was very close to her and though he was in jail, the trial was still on going and I kept my discussions of him very minimal...though I wish that ALL come to Christ...the level of rage and hate I initially had towards him was something I have never felt before and I hope to never again. Yet in that Good Friday service, I thought it would be stupid to end up before the Lord and not enter into the kingdom because of the hate I had towards this person who I often call "that idiot". (This is real talk people).

So I said..."I choose to forgive him". I went to the alter, no one layed hands on me, no one actually prayed over me directly that I am aware of...yet the Lord began to remind me of several others (people and companies) who I had held in my heart and not really forgave for the way they treated me. So I prayed... I felt a tug around my head and neck and I said...I am getting fully free today...today.
I walked away from the service, much lighter and filled with satisfying peace.

I began to think....I wonder if my healing is connected to my unforgiveness? I am going to wait a few days and try my neck.
MONDAY MORNING.....I could bend my neck to my shoulder with NO PAIN AT ALL!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Genuinely Forgiving people in my heart....healed my body???!!!!!!!!
By His stripes...I am healed? Could also read...He took stripes so that the Father would FORGIVE them...and in that...FORGIVENESS...I am healed. WOWOWOWOWOWOW!
Jesus is real. Lord....extend your sceptre...release more revelation of these things...may your people experience more healing and justice as we Love & Forgive, Love & Forgive, Love and... Forgive.

Christmas Day was April 12, 2012

Merry Christmas!
It 'twas the night before Christmas and all through my house, a few creatures were stirring but none were a mouse!

It was late on the night of April 11th and I could not sleep, it felt that it was the night before Christmas. That level of excitement and anticipation does not happen often in life since most events do not match Christmas day when you are a child so its a relevant memory by the time you are an adult.
So I put on worship music from the devotional playlist from ihop.org...I worshipped and agreed with God, worshipped and agreed. I did not know what I was agreeing with specifically yet I decided to agree with Him and worship. I finally went to sleep.

I arose the next morning and greeted my dad with, "Merry Christmas", he looked at me funny and laughed it off. A little while later a friend called and I greeted her, "Merry Christmas", I told her about the night before and let her know that today was Christmas. There are a few of us who are anticipating miracles of miracles in this month of Nissan (Jewish calendar) which ends April 22. Christmas gifts from our heavenly Father...would make perfect sense to us that live in His favor, respect His word and understand the prophetic. The day went on.

Midday I get a call and the same friend who agreed with me in faith and declaration that morning, said that someones facebook status stated, " I just got a Christmas card today! I sent it to someone in December but it was the wrong address and it just returned to me today".

I could not believe it....it really is Christmas!!! So we became encouraged. A little while later that facebook status was updated and the mother of the girl got a report from the doctor....NOW CANCER FREE!!!! What God?!!!- healings... and Christmas in April....KEEP IT COMING!

I was excited and kept listening out for the phone, waiting on the delivery of the mail and emails to receive Christmas gifts! And yet I did not receive any...so I took a nap...had a dream that I was given an invitation to a birthday party...I think it was a surprise. When I woke up I had an invitation to a wedding from my friend Angel....so I get an invitation to a wedding by an Angel? Ok Lord.

Then I get an email, my friends grandmother had gone home to be with the Lord the week before so her home was being flooded with flowers and bereavement cards. She walks into the kitchen and there was a new card....it was a Christmas card!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! WHAT???

So the Lord is going out of His way to let me know He is moving...BIG time for me...and before my heart can settle in doubt or discouragement...He kept it coming... so it goes----I felt it's Christmas, 2 separate people get Christmas cards, I get an invitation from an Angel to a wedding and then a dream inviting me to a surprise birthday party......LORD Thank You for these gifts.....Merry Christmas.
I look to you with expectation....you will not pass me by...it is my time for your miracles of miracles...healing, revival, currency, profit, land, job offered well, salvation in my family, the deep desirs of my heart and more intimate encouters with the Holy Spirit. Thank you, my time...our time is now.
Abba, you are Faithful...Merry Christmas.

PRAY! PRAY! PRAY!

He ran down the street yellowing, PRAY! PRAY! PRAY!
He had a panic in his heart and an urgency that pulled at the ears of the hearers.
Many turned to look, was there something chasing him? was there a message to accompany this urgent command?
Their minds started to think of all the reasons he could be running and yelling in such a way.
The word "Pray" was not foreign to them but the actions were something of a small scale and hardly ever commanded an immediate response, so why in the world is he running and yellowing?

PRAY!PRAY!PRAY!

This is all he could get out, nothing else made sense fore he knew to explain would cause the listeners to lessen the need and make light the urgency so he just continued to run and yell.
He grabbed coats of men, looked at them with eyes of fear and panic begging them to PRAY!PRAY!PRAY! He grabbed the forearm of women and looked up with eyes of a persuasive child helpless, in need and tears of pain gliding down his cheek yelling PRAY!PRAY!PRAY!. He looked softly into the eyes of little boys and girls compelling and encouraging them that prayer from their hearts was needed as well and expressed PRAY!PRAY!PRAY!

Was he mad? Was he crazy?
He was a familiar face to the townspeople but it was his voice that pulled their attention. Soon nothing else would matter.

This story has TWO endings depending on ONE thing--their response.
One ending is that because their hearts were connected to the same source that caused him to run with urgency, they dropped to their knees and layed down on the streets-men, women, boys and girls-and began to pray to the Father God through the Son Jesus Christ via this unction of the Holy Spirit. You see they knew the same scripture that sent him running with panic that day--If my people, which are called by my name, shall humble themselves, and pray, and seek my face, and turn from their wicked ways; then will I hear from heaven, and will forgive their sin, and will heal their land (2Chronicles 7:14). They knew if they called on God, God would respond.
So prayer begot prayer...and repentance begot worship...and God responded with healing, restoration, miracles and revival. God healed every aspect of their "land."

The other ending is that they starred at him, told him to stop being ridiculous and causing a scene. They became angry in their hearts because they felt no urgency and pride took a front stance. They attempted to use their evil stares and words to discourage him and they refused to respond and pray. Men and women told their children to ignore him, and gossiped amongst themselves. There was no repentance, no response of healings, restoration, miracles nor revival from God...they did not humble themselves and pray....so God could not heal their land.

The urgent heart continued on time after time until one day the Lord spoke and said, "My son, I am grateful for your faithful heart to warn the people, they can never say my love was not extended to them nor can they ever say they did not know. This was your calling...to call them to me...and you did well my good and faithful servant, come home and rest."

The question to ponder is this, in your town today which ending to the story is most likely to occur...unfortunately just like my town, the second ending. May we respond differently tomorrow, it really could be the last day God sends an urgent, crying heart begging us to PRAY!PRAY!PRAY! By the way, this is not a hypothetical story. Selah.

How Many Loaves Does It Take?

It is amazing how less then 10 minutes reading 2000 year old scripture you can realize something completely new....it really is the living word.

I was reading through the book of Mark chapters 6 and 8 and was reminded of those that touched Jesus were healed and then read further to the miracles of the multiplying of food. I first paused at the fact that those who touched Him....were healed....so since I believe in Jesus and the works that He did I will do also (John 14:12), people who reach out and touch their belief and/or faith with mine...will be healed. Wow. So I meditated on that for a bit and prayed it over my life, " Lord, I agree with your word and who you say that I am, may those who touch me be healed. In Jesus name, Amen."

Then as I read Mark 8:17-21, I saw something within the words that I never saw. In one miracle Jesus and the disciples used 5 loaves (2 fish) to feed 5,000 with 12 baskets remaining and then later used 7 loaves (few fish) to feed 4,000 with 7 baskets remaining. This math caught my interests.
Why in one situation did he use only 5 loaves for 5,000 and had 12 baskets extra but it took 7 loaves to feed 4,000 and they took home only 7 baskets? Could it be possible that the Lord needs more, in this case miracles, to convince a small amount of people because of their belief or level of criticism and then they were only able to retain 7 baskets?

Lets look at the 4,000 as members of a congregation--all came to see a miracle and hear a teaching by Jesus but not all believe in their heart--then Jesus says , " we need a level 7 miracle for this group for them to receive but they only will need 7 baskets to give to others because that is all they will share". A disciple responses and says, " Lord, the last group only needed a level 5 miracle, there were 5,000 of them and they took home 12 baskets....why wouldn't this group do the same?" Jesus responds and says, " The 5,000 wanted more and believed in All of who I am so once the miracle began, they allowed me to do more with just a little and they were built in their faith and I knew they would take the remaining 12 baskets and share and share with everyone they encountered after. The 4,000 were skeptical in their hearts and more desired to prove me wrong then to allow me to share the truth, a level 7 miracle was needed to silence the skeptic and at the same time allow the believer with the smallest amount of faith to believe for more and would desire to share the truth of who I am. The 4,000 would only share 7 baskets full, they would wast the remaining 5 had I given then 12."

After receiving this analogy, I paused and repented. Lord, I ask you to forgive me for not believing you and though there is much I am convinced of and believe, help my unbelief (Mark 9:24) which comes from fears from past disappointments and help me to no longer believe lies that stand against who you really are. In Jesus name Amen.

Miracles is what Jesus did most as well as tell people and direct them to the Father God, so today Lord help me to be more like you....a miracle and a way to God. We can only come to God through Jesus the son and the beautiful Holy Spirit is our leader, teacher, comforter and truth that keeps our hearts in God.
May He need less loaves to show Himself true to your heart, and may He be able to trust you with more then 7 loaves to share. Selah. God loves your heart towards Him.

Happy Black LIFE History Month

This month will you pray with me that Black people both here in America and in Africa begin to make the changes to enable our "good" history to be seen?

History that increases the rate of healthy marriages and communities.
History that decreases (to zero) the rate of Black abortions.

History that causes our education levels to rise and our potential to be supported.
History that shuns illiteracy and discourages the watering-down of wisdom.

History that causes us to love each other again, love being Black and love the culture of life.

May that History repeat itself when we had more Black men in college then in prison and we had more Black women married with children then single mothers on public assistance.

I pray that each day 10,000 Black people remove the celebration of death and the things that destroy us as a people from their lives. And then the next day, 10,000 more. And then the third day 10,000 more until hope for life, restoration of family, healing of hearts along with the ending of Black abortions, ending of Black murder, ending of Black prostitution, pornography and sex trafficking, ending of Black drug and alcohol addicts, ending of poor mental and social health amongst Blacks...is the New Normal...a Black LIFE Epidemic. Where the hope to live, the desire to know and respect God and sustain life is our "good" History.

Thank you for praying, Happy Black LIFE History Month

Dear America, I am sure you did not know.

Dear America,





I recently came accross some information and I am sure you were not aware so I decided to write you this little letter.


Each year, for the last eleven, there has been an increase in the state of New York that has caught me off guard. The number of Black babies being aborted is greater then the number of them being born alive. I am sure you did not know because I am sure you would do something about it, right?


Anytime that there is something being taken away, in this case life, more then being allowed to live, there is eventually extinction. Just about every animal who has become extinct, at one point began to be exterminated more then being duplicated until the last one left was no more.





Since this is what is happening in your nation America, it looks like someone or something is trying to lead your Black people to extenction...I hope they fail. Don't you?





Well I am sure you did not know because you would have stood against this extinction campaign and stood for Life, right? You would have asked organizations such as Planned Parenthood, to stop strategically placing abortion clinics in predominately Black neighborhoods, right? You would stop supporting the causes behind why so many Black babies are being borned to young, poor unmarried women, right? And if you were not sure of some of those causes, you would take steps to seek out the truth so you could help bring the sustainable change that releases hope and life in to these communities, right?





Well I am sure you did not know, and I am sure you would do these things if you did know.

Well they say, knowledge is power, so maybe you did not have the knowledge and that is why you gave up the power of life for Black babies?

Well, God forgives those who ask, so then you are forgiven, congratulations. So will you now use this knowledge to release the power of life back into Black communities and families in America? I am sure you will.

Thank you for reading my letter, it is great that you now know.





Sincerely yours,


A Lover of Black People, especially our Babies.